Hey, Torrent here! I'm writing a book, and would love some help on it. This is the first chapter, or what i have so far, and I'm still trying to get it fixed up. Highlighted means i need to change that sentence, or add one. Any ideas would be appreciated.
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“SNAP”
I jumped when I heard the sound from behind me. I turned around carefully, my heart pounding as I searched the dense undergrowth, something that would usually be done by Joey since he was always rear guard. Unfortunately he couldn’t cover the rear anymore, and neither could anyone else in my team. After all, it’s really hard to watch someone’s back when you’re dead. So, seeing as there was no one else to do it, it was left up to me. The joys of being alone. Oh, I forgot to introduce myself. The name’s Jack. I’m a soldier in America’s Military Paranormal Division or AMP’D as we call it. I can’t say much about what we do. After all, I look horrible in an orange jumpsuit. What I will say is that today we were supposed to hunt down a small pack of imps that had escaped into our world. Apparently someone in intelligence is either blind or just plain stupid. Or maybe they have a grudge. Well for whatever reason, they were wrong. VERY wrong. Not only were they not imps, they sure as hell weren’t a small pack. Needless to say, I wasn’t having a good day. *add sentence*
I was searching the shadows that surrounded me, listening as I heard grass moving around me, wondering whether it was some small animal looking for food or a creature of darkness looking at food.
“Damn it! Why can’t I ever get the easy jobs?” As I mumbled various curses at my luck and everything else, the shadows seemed to creep in on me, ready to rip me apart. Ha! That’s pretty funny, and a bit ironic, considering what I can do. But I can’t tell you what, that’s a secret. I looked deep into the jungle, praying I wouldn’t see what I knew was out there.
“Come on out. You wanna fight? I’ll give you a fight.” I said beneath my breath. As if answering my call, four of them slinked from the underbrush. As soon as I saw them, I got this overwhelming sense of just wrong, as if I was seeing something that shouldn’t exist. But I wasn’t going to let a little feeling distract me.
“What, just you four? Your friends don’t wanna join the party?”
“Thisss human is not as sstupid as the other meat. Maybe we can play and have some fun.”
I heard them inside my head, their reptilian voices tearing through me like razor wire. I tapped down the fear trying to rise up inside of me, steeling myself for the attack.
“Try not to die, just yet.”
A flick of the leaders head was all the warning I got before three more jumped from behind. I fired as I rolled out of the way, barely dodging razor sharp claws as they sliced through the air.
“I won’t be dying anytime soon.” I quickly dispatched three of them, their skin beginning to boil from the holy water. Actually kind of reminds me of cooking popcorn over a stove, especially my favorite part, when it explodes. Chunks of the demons rained down as the others started dashing towards me.
“Don’t you guys ever learn? This brings my tally up to three hundred, and that’s just today. You sure you don’t want to quit? I’d hate to have to kill another one hundred of you just to make it even again. That would just be annoying. ” Their leader looked at me with hatred burning in his eyes, but then he smirked, or at least as close as an animal could get, as he said
“We don’t have to kill you. The massster shall do that for usss. Then we will feast upon you as we did to the rest of your pathetic pack.”
Fury coursed through me, but tinged with fear. I knew they were right. I had to get out of here, before their “master” could find me.
“They weren’t my pack. They were my friends.” I dodged another swipe from one while nine others decided to join in. As I fired I could tell I was running low on ammo. One more clip for my rifle. Better make it count. As soon as I heard the click I jumped into the air to avoid them as I pulled out my spare clip. Then out of nowhere another demon jumped past, faster than the ones I had faced so far. He managed to grab my clip with his mouth. No, no that piece of SH…OOOF. At that moment one seemed to get a lucky shot, managing to plow into my stomach. I hit the ground, all the air knocked from my lungs, unable to move. The others stalked towards me, smiling menacingly, in a way that promised pain. I thought I was done for, until I was saved by a demon doing possibly the dumbest thing I’d ever seen. He swallowed the clip. A clip filled with materials that are extremely deadly to demons, inside of bullets. And he just swallowed it. I couldn’t help it. Even with no air I started laughing, laughing harder than I had in years. The demons stopped, puzzled at my actions. “
You are about to die, so why are you laughing?”
“I’m not the one going to die, thanks to that dumbass.” I gasped out between breaths. As they turned to look at him, I used the last of my strength to roll behind a log. Just in time, luckily, as at that moment the bullets in the clip decided it had had enough of the demons stomach, and exploded. Bullets flew out, tearing apart many of the demons who were looking at the demon at that time. I finally had air but I still couldn’t stop laughing. I swear, he might still win. Maybe that was his plan, to kill me by making me laugh myself to death. Wait till the guys at base hear about this. Tony would get a kick out of it. That thought managed to chill me out fast. After all, last time I had seen Tony, he was being swarmed by about a hundred of these bastards, and whenever they cleared out, there weren’t even bones left. I looked up just in time to see their leader standing, fury dancing through his eyes. Six of the demons lay on the ground, with two more in pieces all around us. I spotted the one who had eaten the clip. Kind of reminded me of Swiss cheese. I suppressed a small giggle. Only seven more, including the leader. He had managed to take out eight others with his suicide by stupidity. I gave him a quick salute before I returned my attention to the remainders.
“So you managed to survive? Oh well. I can remedy that rather fast.” I smirked at him as I stood, wiping dirt off of my coat.
“Enough. It’s time to ssstop playing. Kill him. We will present his body to the masssster.”
At this the rest of them ran out, but instead of trying to attack me, they started eating the other dead demons. Realization hit me “Oh shit.” I reached for my pistols, only to find my holsters empty, my pistols laying a little ways away from me. I dived for them just as the demons finished. This was about to get really interesting, really fast.